Happy Imbolc! And Other Fun Stuff...

To all my pagan pals, Happy Imbolc! Officially the last day to have Yule decorations up; since I never actually put mine on display this (past) year, I guess I was safe, but finally got them all back into the basement until December today. Soon I will be able to sit in my chair again in the living room! (More likely, soon it will be moved onto the porch...) The ancient belief, according to my book Seasons of the Witch, (thanks again, Dusty!) is that any decorations left up after today become a hiding place for goblins. I have enough problems already, goblins I DON'T need!


Got the rest of the pix uploaded from my previous post, except the one of Sarah the Llama. Maybe I will get that one up tomorrow. OK, realistically it will be next week; tomorrow is Saturday and the library is only open from 9 AM to noon, and everyone knows that I am *NOT* a morning person! So, here are the pix of Alanda and her shirt (it is so shiney!!!) and of Nakeyta, that Ruthi thinks I spell wrong. Hey, it's the Irish spelling.... OK, I'll tell the truth: every time I see "Nakita" (the way Ruthi thinks it should be spelled), I think of "Akita", which is a breed of dog. This would be like naming the neighbor's chihuahua "Malamute." Just doesn't work for me!

I am so happy, Ruthi's column this week in FrankTalk is about stupid people, and she never mentioned my name once! This column is a showcase of her acerbic wit; I just wish she had asked me for some examples, I have some real goodies. Like the girl at the cash register at the grocery store, that gave me Canadian coins in my change. She started to take them back, and give me "real" money (first "duh" award). Then, I told her that it was okay, that I was saving all my Canadian change in case I ever went back to visit Canada. Her answer? I swear to God and Goddess, she honestly said, "Oh! You can use it there?" in total surprise. At least she had counted the change right....

Which brings me to the next Duh Recipient: another cash register story. At a certain fast-food take-out drive-through (rhymes with Locko Hell), when the girl gave me my change for a twenty, I told her, "But I gave you a thirty." This poor kid actually looked through the cash drawer to find the thirty dollar bill I said I had given her. I let her look for a minute, then pointed out to her that there is no such thing as a thirty dollar bill. Thankfully, she had a sense of humor! She even went up front and told her co-worker what I had done to her, and they both laughed.

Sadly, in a later incident I was relating the story to my friend's fifteen-year-old daughter, and had to EXPLAIN to her why this was funny.
As in, "Kara, there is no such thing as a thirty dollar bill."
"Yes, really; I was just joking with the cashier."
"Seriously, NO there are NO thirty dollar bills, and if someone gives you one it is FAKE."
"NO! THERE IS NO THIRTY DOLLAR BILL!!! YES, I AM SURE!!! "
Some teenagers are just so stubborn.

But, bless their little hearts! They are so much fun to pick on! (I won't even go into poor Darcy at Jack's Grocery, who turns twelve shades of red when I ask her which aisle the Twinkies are in.)

And to prove that I am an equal-opportunity smart-aleck, I also pranked people when *I* was a cashier. Working third shift, it's pretty easy. Once, I told a group of men (at three in the morning) that I couldn't sell them cigarettes because the city council had recently passed a bill banning tobacco sales after 2 AM. After they bitched and moaned for a few minutes about politicians and government, I asked them if they believe everything they hear. And sold them the cigarettes, while we all laughed at their gullibility.

Then there was the teenager who came in to buy a bottle of Mountain Dew, and I told him he had to prove that he was over eighteen. He was quite distraught to learn that a new state law banned the sale of caffeine to minors, because it is an addictive substance. I let him pout for a minute, then sold him the pop under the condition that he not tell anyone that I did because I didn't want to lose my job for selling it to him. Bet that kid carries his ID all the time, now... (Hey, caffeine is an addictive substance, and I am honestly surprised that its sale hasn't been banned for minors! Give California a month or two after this is posted, someone will send this to the Terminator and then all California teens will be burning me in effigy!)

So, everybody watch your change, and get your holiday decorations put away so the goblins don't get you (and give you Twinkies, Darcy...)!