70 Diskettes

Yee godz of Technology, I have as much hard drive backed up as can be done. Took 70 diskettes to do it, still have a few things on there but at this point there is nothing I can't live without! Believe me, after zipping and saving that many files/photos/databases, I should be sick and tired of everything computer. But obviously I'm not or you wouldn't be reading this. (If you are actually reading this, and I'm not just blathering for my own therapy)...

Am uploading everything to my personal backup file on the internet, thanks to Dusty's ingeniousness. Of course every so often I get a floppy disk that worked just fine on my own computer an hour ago, but that just doesn't want to open here at the library.... foo bar.... but will persevere, onward and upward, stiff upper lip, yada yada yada.

Actually, there are probably a few things saved on diskette that I could live without, and I know that I did end up duplicating photos; but at this point I DON'T CARE. Better to have two copies of photos of my babies, than to discover that, OOPS, that one I deleted was the only copy after all. Can never have too many photos, of family, friends, and other miscellaneous memories. Especially after the object of the photo is gone.

OK great, now I am depressing myself again. I spent an hour this morning crying myself to sleep, I hate the thought that I might need new meds because everything else that I have taken has either knocked me out completely, zombified me, or made me more depressed than I was to start with. Don't know if it is the meds not working anymore, or just that there is so much extra stress in my life right now, or both, or that I am just a walking piece of oxygen-waster. To be more accurate, a sleeping/crying/useless oxygen-waster. I miss my Mamaw, my friends that all have moved away or moved on in their lives, I hate my wretched "cousin" that had the balls to off herself, because I don't have the guts or the strength or the plain intelligence to do the same myself, I hate that I haven't contributed anything to the world, that when I die there will be no grave, no headstone with The Perfect Epitaph, nothing to commemorate my life or death. Nothing to show that I was ever on this planet. Geez, life sucks. Poverty sucks. If it weren't for the local library offering free internet access and letting me sign out books, there would be absolutely nothing worth being in this town for. Which reminds me, I need to sign out another Dean Koontz novel, finished Dark Rivers of the Heart last night. I will have to stop reading his books if I can't get through them without crying at the sad parts. Literally bawling. After I finished the Koontz book, I found the copy of Charlene Harris's Dead in Dixie and started reading it. Got to the part where {SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!! SPOILER ALERT!!!} Sookie's discovers her grandmother's murdered body in the kitchen, and had to put the book up because I couldn't see the print through my tears. Now I am crying about my grandma being gone, and how much I miss her, but I am glad that she isn't here to see what a hopeless mess I have made of my life.

I am in serious need of a Terry Pratchett novel, a new one that I haven't already read.